just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i dont even know how to be here
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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