He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
