i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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