I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
