Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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