I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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