he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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