Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
