just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
