Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
