You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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