That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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