how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
