She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
