my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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