Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
