Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize