I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
