Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
