first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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