Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
