Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
