Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
