absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
