just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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