just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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