He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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