I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
