you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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