Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
