Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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