Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
