The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
