he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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