from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
