just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
