And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
