some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
