I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
