He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
