I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
