Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
