naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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