Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
