You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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