haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
