A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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