does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize