I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
