Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Randomize