I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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