Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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