Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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