I am puke
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
