My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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