It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
