apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
