So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
