This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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