last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
