There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
