hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
