Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
